Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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