Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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