They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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