why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
