bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
