This girl is more easily done than said...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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