i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
