Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
