That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
