this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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