She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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