Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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