i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
