My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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