Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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