I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
