they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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