There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
