I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize