Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
