I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
