Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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