I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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