there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
