He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
