his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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