you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
