she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
