We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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