I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
