Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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