you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
