Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
3 2 1 whiskey
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
