It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
