it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
