And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
