My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
