yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
