Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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