Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
