I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
