They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
