U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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