I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
