She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
