like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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