yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
