I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
