i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
