I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
